Golfing With Monkeys

a sermon by Rev. Scott W. Alexander

Unitarian Universalist Church of Rockville, March 11, 2007

Reading

Spiritual Fitness

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can understand when loved one’s are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you, when,
through no fault of yours something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then you are probably a dog.

Source unknown

“Golfing With Monkeys”…now there’s a sermon title that tells you ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about what I want to focus upon this morning, nothing (that is) unless you know the rather intriguing story. Is anybody here this morning familiar with the “Golfing With Monkeys” story? [SCOTT LOOKS FOR HANDS HELD UP IN THE CONGREGATION ] Good, I like “basically clueless congregations,” they’re more receptive!

Here’s the story: The Rev. Gregory Knox Jones (a Presbyterian minister who serves a church just over the River in Northern Virginia) writes that “Once the English had colonized [India] and established their businesses, they yearned for recreation and decided to build a golf course in Calcutta. Golf in Calcutta [however would prove to] present a unique obstacle. Monkeys [from a nearby habitat] would drop out of the trees, scurry across the course and seize the golf balls. The monkeys would play with the balls, tossing them here and there. At first, the golfers tried to control the monkeys. Their first strategy was to build high fences around the fairways and greens. This approach, which seemed initially to hold much promise, was abandoned when the golfers discovered that a fence is no challenge to an ambitious monkey. Next the golfers tried luring the monkeys away from the course. But the monkeys found nothing as amusing as watching humans go wild whenever their little white balls were disturbed. In desperation, the British began trapping [and relocating] the monkeys. But for every monkey they carted off, another would appear. Finally, the golfers gave into reality and [established] a rather novel ground rule [for that particular course]. Golfers [in Calcutta] were obliged to PLAY THE BALL WHERE[EVER] THE MONKEY DROPPED IT…As you can imagine, playing [under this rule] could be maddening. A beautiful drive down the center of the fairway might be picked up by a monkey and then dropped in the rough. Or the opposite could happen. A hook or slice that had produced a miserable lie might be flung[right] onto the[middle of the] fairway.” The unpredictable monkeys, then, brought equal measures of gratuitous bad and good luck to the game.

Now…I was both charmed and fascinated when I first read this story…and “the perpetual preacher in me immediately concluded that this cute little story (about the mischievous monkeys wrecking havoc with the best laid plans of the humans on the Calcutta golf course) deserved an entire sermon. It deserves an entire sermon because LIFE IS SO OFTEN LIKE THIS (as we try to navigate our way the course of our lives). This morning I want to focus on this story about the mischievous monkeys -- who inserted themselves into the game the humans were trying to play -- for I believe it is both a telling (and a spiritually instructive) metaphor about the lives we actually live…and points the way to how we might more successfully move with the world (not as we so often fancifully imagine it) but rather as it actually is. I want to make several points which this story wisely make clear.

First, there is the obvious truth (in this story) of LIFE’S UTTER UNPREDICTABILITY…ITS FREQUENT RANDOMNESS (AND, IF YOU WILL, ITS RELATED “UNFAIRNESS”). From almost as soon as we begin to think about life as little children, we human beings like to think -- despite the regular, abundant, and unmistakable evidence we receive to the contrary -- we like to think that (just as every golf course has clear rules which the players should observe and obey so they can “finish the course,” and “succeed at the game”) that “in the game of life” also there are clear rules to follow “over the course of our lives,” -- if you will -- which if we faithfully observe will help us likewise to successfully navigate our way. Most of us (even through adulthood) have a “tape” (that plays at least subliminally in our heads most of the time) and that tape (or script) goes something like this. “If I just work hard…live right… mind my Ps and Qs…obey the law…live by my principles… watch my diet…brush my teeth… exercise regularly…don’t drink too much…tend to my marriage…carefully rear my children – if I follow the basic rules and do all the things I know I really should – then I will sail through this thing called life, and everything will basically work out for me as planned.”

This “tape” that plays in our heads about living by the rules (and subsequently breezing right along) is fine, except for one thing…LIFE (you all know it’s true) REGULARLY DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY! I can say this with certainty not only because I have been banging around in this beautiful (but dangerous and unpredictable) creation of ours for 57 years now, but because for more than 30 years now I have (as a minister) been in the business of helping people come to terms with the random, unexpected and sometimes profoundly unfair and unwelcome events and conditions that so often intrude in upon and define human life.

Just one heart-breaking example -- if I might -- from my own personal circle. A few months back, I received a shocking and unexpected call from a dear old friend (Paul…a successful veterinarian, husband and father of two in New Jersey) who complained (last time we had cycled together) about having a stiff neck. Instead of telling him he had the muscle strain he expected, his doctor found a serious and aggressive malignancy growing on his spine. In a very complicated six hour operation his doctors removed as much of the tumor as they could and repaired his damaged spine with metal plates…but the cancer is still there, and my friend now faces profound uncertainty about his life and health. The point here is that absolutely out of the blue (at a time when he thought his life was sailing along effortlessly along down a long, bright and sunny fairway) my friend Paul’s life was swept into difficulty and sorrow overnight.

Tell me if your life and world is any different, but “where I live” (and the lives of those I see around me) we’ll be happily playing along in the fairway that we’re on, when all of a sudden some monkey comes out of nowhere, snatches our ball, and deposits it in some difficult place we did not expect. This is an unpredictable universe, it’s often unfair, AND WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.

And just as in the case of these mischievous Calcutta monkeys (and here I arrive at the second aspect of this little story that rings true for me) while it is undeniably true that sometimes our ball is capriciously dropped right in the rough (as in the case of my friend’s cancer diagnosis when it gets really hard to “play our usual game”) and other times – many other times, actually, and this we must not forget -- it is graciously placed right on the green (when all we have to do to be on top of the world is tap the ball gently into the hole). I passionately believe this remarkably open and fluid world of ours (which we do not, despite our best and most dutiful efforts – as those British golfers discovered -- succeed in controlling) this remarkable open and fluid world of ours holds at least as much amazing grace and good luck for us as it does misfortune and bad breaks. And I -- for one -- do not believe (and this is a core theological and spiritual assumption of mine that informs the way respond to the events of my life) I do not believe that this creation of ours has any sort of “will” or “intention” or “plan”…any more, really, that those monkeys who randomly intruded into the game the people were playing on that Calcutta course had a purpose or intention or plan. Life on this planet is not “out to get us” any more than it “promises us an easy ride.” Life on this planet is full of random and unexpected events and outcomes…and there is simply no way (no matter how diligently we play by the rules we think are sound and in place) there is simply no way we can make ourselves immune from these random occurrences. We cannot control (as if we’d want to!) the many pleasant events and wondrous outcomes that randomly come our way (like meeting the “love of your life” by commenting on the weather to your seatmate on a commuter train some typical morning…or having all three of your kids grow up to be bright and charming and healthy and successful adults…or (through no discernable competence on your part) falling into your dream job through a want ad…or (defensive driver or not) going through life never being involved in so much as a fender-bender car accident. You can’t control the GOOD LUCK and ABUNDANT, UNDESERVED GRACE that comes your way! And we most certainly similarly cannot control most of the unpleasant events and difficult outcomes that randomly come our way (like developing – as so many of us do at some point in our lifetimes -- a life-limiting or life-threatening disease…or falling badly after slipping on a wet spot at work or home…or having a marriage slowly fall apart despite your best efforts…or losing a job due to global economic conditions…or having someone in your family go to jail for some wrong-doing). No matter how careful or competent or clever we are in our lives – no matter how diligently we follow all the rules we imagine are in place to makes things predictable – we cannot control most of the misfortunes which will come our way. Life on this planet (as I understand it, any way) is a lot like the chaos that existed on that monkey-infested golf course…weird, wild, woeful and wondrous things happen…both for good and ill…and like those golfers, the sooner we accept the fact that we are not in charge, the sooner we can move ahead to finish the game with some sort of wisdom, calm and grace.

And I would pause here (after making this fundamental assertion about how life randomly works) and make what feels like another crucial observation. I think that we human beings are far better at paying attention to (and cataloguing in our psyches) the misfortunes and unpleasantnesses that come our way (like when some monkey throws our ball right into the rough) than we are at noticing (and taking into our hearts for safe keeping and cultivation) the amazing graces and blessings that come our way (like when the monkeys kindly-yet-without-knowing deposit our ball right next to the pin).

Let me speak personally for a moment. I am a really cheerful and up-beat guy, some people even find my optimism IRRITATING…but nonetheless, I know that in my daily life I am quick to notice (and grumble to myself and complain to others about) any number of inconveniences, difficulties or challenges that randomly come my way (the toilet handle in the downstairs bathroom that snapped off into my hand the other morning….or the flat tire I had on my bike (a few days ago) commuting up to work…or the chronic knee pain from arthritis that now crimps my style and makes me limp…the unexpected weekday interruptions in my office that prevent me from accomplishing my already crowded work plan). I notice and complain about it every time some MONKEY OF EVERYDAY FATE tossing my ball into the rough!

And what’s more -- despite my best efforts to try to spiritually and emotionally notice all the good breaks and blessings that routinely come my way (every day gratitude for the many blessings and breaks that come my way is a spiritual practice I regularly try to do in my own living)-- I am nonetheless routinely more reluctant to acknowledge in my heart how very lucky I routinely am (the breeze that so often is at my back…the kindnesses and courtesies that come my way…the perfect poem for Sunday worship that just falls into my lap…the beauty of the natural world around me, the good night’s sleep that blessed me in rest last night) why do I not regularly and spontaneously whistle cheerfully to myself about all these wondrous little daily monkeys which drop my ball just in the best possible spot? We have no emotional or spiritual choice (of course) but to notice when difficulty and misfortune come our way (such random events bonk us over the head and demand we note and face them). But the blessings and breaks we all regularly receive…AH…THESE SOMEHOW REQUIRE OUR SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL DILIGENCE AND DICIPLINE TO NOTICE. I’ll bet you anything that most of those Calcutta golfers were better at cursing the monkeys (who tossed their ball into the rough or onto the wrong fairway) than they were at singing praised to the monkeys (who graciously deposited their ball right up next to the pin). How are YOU doing [SCOTT POINTS TO THE CONGREGATION] over the course of your life with the wise spiritual practice (and it really is that – a life saving and enriching spiritual practice) of noticing the many blessings and the breaks that randomly come your way (at least as much as you notice the difficulties and challenges that also come your way)?

And here is something else that is very important to remember about GRACE and DIFFICULTY in our lives. There was an absolutely fascinating article (a few months back) New York Times magazine about recent studies about happiness (conducted by psychologists at Harvard and elsewhere) which conclude that (and now I’m going to put this in the context of my golfing with monkeys story) that whether our ball is dropped deep in the rough (by some mischievous monkey event in our lives like losing a job or becoming ill) or whether our ball is placed sweetly on the green (by our getting exactly what we think we want in life) WE HUMAN BEINGS CONSISTENTLY OVER-ESTIMATE how happy or unhappy these respective turns of fate will make us. Dr. Daniel Gilbert of Harvard writes “A death in the family, a new gym membership or a new husband are not the same, but in how they affect our well-being they are similar. Our research simply says that whether [its some pleasant event or a difficult one that occurs in our lives] both of them will matter LESS than you think they will [in terms of your happiness]…You’re overestimating how much of a difference they will make. None of them make the difference that you think.” And why is this? The answer, according to these scientists, is simple…we human beings (and now I quote them again) are “generally unable to recognize that we ADAPT [pretty well] to new circumstances…we seem unable to predict that we will [eventually successfully] adapt” to the new life situations (wonderful or difficult) we find ourselves in.

And thus I arrive at the crucial spiritual point about my golfing with monkeys story…THE SUPREME VALUE OF AN ADAPTABLE HEART! I might as well just say it – loud and clear right now – for it is the point I have been waiting to get to all morning. I am passionately persuaded that emotional survival and spiritual success over the course of our lives depends (as it did for those Calcutta golfers) on our willingness to ADAPT to unforeseen realities (both positive and negative that pop into our lives) that we cannot (despite our best efforts) control. Just as those Calcutta golfers WROTE THE MONKEYS INTO the course rule book, we must WRITE INTO OUR HEARTS a willingness to adapt to both the batterings (like sudden illness or accidents) and the blessings (like an unexpected new friend or grandchild) which burst into our lives.

Four years ago -- the morning after hurricane Isabel smashed ashore in Maryland causing hundreds-of-millions-of-dollars of damage -- I went across the street (from our cottage which sits a few hundred feet from Chesapeake Bay) to survey what the powerfully destructive storm did to my neighbor’s property (which sits right on 20 foot bluff above the water). Overnight, Jinx and Linda’s entire front lawn had been swept away by the powerful storm surge, and their house now sat precariously close to the edge of the bluff. It was clear that they were going to have to spend several months (and something like $150,000) to have their bay frontage restored (with railroad ties and many truckloads of rock and dirt). As we stood there and commiserated about his misfortune, suddenly my neighbor (after several minutes of sullen conversation about his bad luck) – said (with an unmistakable spiritual twinkle in his eye) “Yea, it’s going to be a costly mess, BUT LOOK, I NOW HAVE A BEACH FOR MY GRANDKIDS TO PLAY ON!” And sure enough, I looked down, and there…beneath his bulkhead…was a sweet little white sand beach…a sweet little white sand beach just big enough for a few beach chairs (and lots of sand castles). “Isabel took my lawn,” he said “but she left me a beach…she left me a beach…she left me a beach!”

Let me give you another example of human adaptability, if I might. Recently I had a long conversation with a wonderful guy named Bob -- a long-standing and deeply respected member of my River Road congregation -- who similarly has been able to find his spiritual and emotional way to positively and creatively adapting IN HIS HEART AND IN HIS LIFE to a new, unwanted circumstances that recently unfolded in his life. Bob (who is in his late 50’s was recently diagnosed diabetes…which, as you all know is going to require some rather substantial and significant life style changes on his part if he is to successfully manage the illness. When I was commiserating with him about this unwanted medical development in his life Bob (who has radically changed his diet, lost 40 pounds, and begun a daily, hour long exercise regimen) said to me, “Scott, I never (of course) would have wished this medical crisis on myself, but I believe that this crisis is a real opportunity for me…an opportunity for me (if I am just willing to make some changes) to live a much happier and healthier life than I ever have…I honestly feel that diabetes may be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Let me bring all this a bit closer to home. For most of my adult life, I was an avid runner (some might say an addicted runner) usually running 12 to 14 miles every day, 7 days a week. But about 3 years ago, I injured my knees in a couple of cycling accidents and subsequently developed painful arthritis – so I can no longer strap on a pair of running shoes and fly out the door (as I so love to daily do). Now (If I am to stay healthy and fit) I must now restrict and re-direct my exercise to cycling and swimming (which do not hurt my knees). I must tell you that this has been a most unwelcomed change in my life, I grieve the loss of my ability to run, and even have regular dreams at night that I am somehow running again. But what I have discovered (like my neighbor with the new beach struggling to recover from Isabel) what I have discovered is that because of the “MONKEY KNEES” which I cannot control or fix, biking and swimming have OPENED TO ME NEW PLEASURES AND OPPORTUNITIES. Though (as I have said) I miss running so very much, I HAVE ADAPTED, and truly enjoy the quiet, meditative practice of doing a fast two miles of laps in the pool…AND LOVE – absolutely love – bicycling up the Capital Crescent rail trail (that Runs along the Potomac River) each morning to work from my home at 12th and U down in the city…I absolutely love watching my world (the beautiful trees, the majestic river, the stoical great blue herons, the curious deer, other cyclists) fly in beauty. The avid runner has become the passionate cyclist…last year I cycled with a group of other “type A personalities” from Los Angeles to Boston in 30 days…I now cycle some 13,000 miles a year, and I am happy (truly happy) on my bike every day.

And speaking of cycling, one last example. Many days (when I am on that beautiful paved trail on my way to work, I pass a guy (he must be about 30) on his bike, who is utterly unremarkable except for one thing…he is a paraplegic who cannot use his legs. How does he cycle, you ask? He had someone build him a special bike THAT ALLOWS HIM TO PEDAL WITH HIS HANDS. Every time I see this guy (pedaling furiously and happily with his hands in front of him) I am moved by the power and courage of his willingness to adapt to what has befallen him…and the words of Albert Camus come to mind:

Yes, there are deprivations, there are the deprivations which give rise to our worst sorrows, BUT WHAT DOES IT TRUELY MATTER WHAT WE HAVE LOST, WHEN WHAT WE HAVE LOST IS NOT YET USED UP. There are so many things susceptible of being loved that surely no discouragement can be final. To know how to suffer, to know how to love, and when everything collapses, to pick it all up again, simple richer for the suffering – happy, almost, in the awareness of our [difficulty].

In a similar vein, Rabbi Harold Schulwies tells about violinist Yitzhak Perlman in this story poem:

We have seen Yitzhak Perlman
Who walks the stage with braces on both legs
On two crutches He takes his seat, unhinges the clasps of his legs,
Tucking one leg back, extending the other,
Laying down his crutches, placing the violin under his chin.

On one occasion one of this violin strings broke.
The audience grew silent but the violinist didn’t leave the stage.
He signaled the maestro and the orchestra began its part.
The violinist played with power and intensity on only three strings.
With three strings, he modulated, changed and
Recomposed the piece in his head.
He retuned the strings to get different sounds,
Turned them upward and downward.
The audience screamed delight,
Applauded their appreciation.
Asked later how he had accomplished this feat,
The violinist answered,
It is my task to make music with what remains.
A legacy mightier than a concert.
Make music with what remains.
Complete the song left for us to sing.
Transcend the loss,
Play it out with heart, soul and might,
With all remaining strength within us.

Some of you may be aware that recently there have been several psychological studies undertaken about what makes for successful aging in human beings…and every one of these studies (by leading psychologists) has concluded that it is THE ADAPTERS -- those persons who are emotionally and spiritually SUPPLE ENOUGH to roll with life’s punches…to accept new information about their lives…and FRAME IN THE REALITIES OF THEIR LIVES IN NEW, OPPORTUNISTIC WAYS – it is the adapters who do the best, report themselves the happiest…because they make and follow “NEW RULES” which help them make the most of their unfolding lives.

Alright…it’s time for me to end this sermon. Because I want everyone of you to remember my message to you this morning, I’m going to summarize it one more time. Here it is. Life is often hard. Life is often difficult. Life is often unpredictable, chaotic and unfair. Random things happen to us that throw us for a loop, wreck havoc in our lives, and render inoperative all those “sure and secure rules” by which we try to “routinize” and control our lives. In a creation as open and fluid as ours, we often cannot control such random and difficult circumstance. We are not master of outward circumstance.

But we are in charge of our INNER LIVES. We can control how we react. We can align the camber of our hearts in ways that will allow us to bravely and creatively ADAPT. Like the golfers of Calcutta are free to stay in the game and “be a player” in our own unfolding lives. But we’ll need to remember the new rule. Play the ball where the monkey drops it.

Now…some of you are going to go home after church this morning, and have the spouse who did not accompany you here this morning ask: “Hon, what did you learn in church this morning?” And I want you to practice what your answer will be…ready… ”PLAY THE BALL WHERE THE MONKEY DROPS IT.” Let’s say it together one more time so we don’t forget it: “PLAY THE BALL WHERE THE MONKEY DROPS IT.”

By George…I THINK THEY’VE GO IT…SO I CAN SAY AND MEAN…AMEN!