Forgiveness: A Life Long Challenge

a sermon by Reverend Lynn Thomas Strauss

Unitarian Universalist Church of Rockville, October 2, 2005

The words of John Keats, written so long ago, remind us…that the world is a place of soul making. “Some say the world is a vale of tears, I say it is a place of soul making.”

On the Sabbath, every Sunday, we take measure of how we are doing in the soul- making department.

Every fall, I draw from our roots in the Jewish tradition to speak of forgiveness. Forgiveness, to forgive, to be forgiven- this is a need we feel in common. Who among us has no regrets, holds no old resentment, has never hurt another person…has never done harm?

Let us think together this morning about atonement, about confession, about redemption, about how much it matters what we do, what we say, what we fail to do. There are no trivial acts.

We could think about forgiveness on a national level- we could analyze the blame game which has followed the disaster on the gulf coast. We could think about forgiveness on an international level- we could talk about 9/11, terrorism and pre-emptive war…or about child hunger in Africa. We could think about forgiveness on a local level, and wrestle with the rise in teen violence and gang activity, and the prison system in our county. We could think about forgiveness on a congregational level and talk about the painful history of conflict in this congregation.

The moral and ethical issues around forgiveness and mercy are complex and important.

But for this year, let’s focus on the theme of forgiveness in our individual lives…on our own journey of soul making.

Tomorrow begins the Jewish High Holiday of Rosh Hashanah, followed by the ten Days of Awe and culminating in the observance of Yom Kippur.

This is the time of the Jewish New Year, the High Holy Days intend to bring Jews to an experience of rebirth and renewal. It is the intention to begin a New Year with a clean moral slate.

The Rosh Hashanah service begins with the blowing of the shofar…a ram’s horn…it is a long and penetrating blast meant to call people awake…to call people out of their particular kind of exile. The shofar can also sound almost like sobbing…reflecting the sorrow and brokenness of the human condition. The shofar calls, “Awake, Come, the gate is opening, the Book of Life is being written, you don’t have to remain in the wilderness, Come!”

For we all live in exile. Separated from one another, from our best selves, separated from God or the holy. We live too much in a kind of death state…functioning, even appearing productive, but on a deeper level, often we are not fully alive.

Judaism, like Unitarian Universalism, understands the world and each person, as growing toward life…as it is written in Deuteronomy, “Behold I place before you today life and good, death and evil…choose life.”

So the first blast of the shofar announces this imperative…wake up, choose life.

What does this experience of exile and half-living have to do with forgiveness? Everything.
For when we withhold forgiveness, we withhold a part of ourselves…a part of our life.
We choose exile again and again. In Jewish tradition the metaphor of a trial is used…each one on trial for their deeds of the past year…each soul examined.

One way to think of soul making is as the requirement to come face to face with God or the divine.
In the places where I experience exile…I know myself to be turning away from the divine. I hide my face.

I have yet to find a way to speak about forgiveness without speaking about family. In fact, many of the scriptures read in Temple for this season focus on family crisis- the story of Abraham and Issac, of Hagar and Ishmael.

Like most of us, (I mean all of us), I have had issues with my parents. My father and I had one serious difference of opinion, when I was 21 years of age…that was, as you can see, a very long time ago. In fact tomorrow, my son, my youngest child, turns 21. The issue with my Dad was around how I would leave home, how I would move out on my own…having lived at home and attended a city college…I had reached 21 and not yet left home.

In any case, there was a blow-up, and in spite of several attempts over the years to re-visit the issue, my father and I have never reconciled our difference of opinion or empathized with one another’s feelings. Fortunately, we have remained connected, no deep estrangement ensued, but the thorn is still there, and it is still too sharp to discuss.

This thorn has dug an open wound in the skin of our relationship, and has caused distance and distrust between us. Every year in the season of Yom Kippur, I try to move toward forgiveness in my relationship with my father…but I have tried to do it alone…and I still suffer the pain of exile.

A happier family story…this week, on Thursday, I took care of my four month old grandson, Noah…and played with him the game we play with all infants…the rubbing noses game…where we make goo goo noises, and get closer and closer to the baby’s face…and finally plant a kiss on their nose.

I realized how long it has been since I have allowed myself this level of openness…how long it has been since I came face to face with divinity. I cry just thinking of how much I have denied myself. How often I have refused to choose life.

So this morning let us sound the shofar, let us hear the call to rebirth…Awake, Come Awake…choose life…in all of your relationships, in all of your days and nights, in all of your past, present and future…choose life. Begin again.

This is the opportunity of this Sabbath and of every Sabbath…recommit to life…whatever that means for you, however you can manage it. Don’t continue in exile…don’t be satisfied with less than life…don’t live with thorns digging into your skin.

Oh, I know this is asking a lot of you. I know that making a soul is the work of a lifetime. We will use stones this morning because they are hard, (like the scars of our wounds- and because forgiveness can take so very long. To wear down the hard stone of resentment or hate or stubborn pride can take so very long.

But, perhaps you can take one small step this year. Perhaps I can too. Perhaps just telling you about this old conflict with my Dad will make something new possible for me…perhaps your putting down a stone in the ritual this morning will make something possible for you. Perhaps talking to someone about it will open a door.

Perhaps we can act as if, we too have 10 Days of Awe ahead. In Jewish tradition, it is believed that on Rosh Hashanah God writes names in the book of life and death…and during the Days of Awe that people can redeem themselves or turn from death to life…so it is that the faithful go directly to those they have harmed to ask for forgiveness…so it is that acts of redemption, prayer and fasting make it possible to turn toward life. Ten days to work on forgiveness, it could be a start, we UU’s want to have everything fast, but we could devote 10 days.

Our ritual of stones this morning is drawn from the ancient tradition in which people went to the river or stream and cast pieces of paper or crumbs into the water to symbolize the casting off of sins. The purifying water was believed to wash away the sins.

I stop here to acknowledge that there are times or experiences which we are unable to forgive, sometimes it is not in our best interest to forgive another for the harm they have done to us. Those of us who have suffered sexual abuse or emotional abuse as children, or the loss of a loved one through violence, may never be ready to fully forgive those who hurt us, but we can perhaps offer loving kindness to the injured part of ourselves…
We can offer a prayer for reconciliation in the future.

One symbol of Rosh Hashanah is that a door is opened when all other doors are closing…consider the possibility that a new door may be opening for you this year.

This is one of those times in which I long for words of confession in our UU tradition. Theologically, we tend to move too quickly to affirmation or forgiveness. Some years I have offered the opportunity of shared fasting as a way to pause in the reflection and confession phase of forgiveness…so consider choosing a day this week, a day between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur as a day of fasting. And while fasting, reflect on your need for forgiveness, write in your journal, write a letter, talk to someone, cry long-held tears, soften your heart- open your heart to a new possibility, to a transformation of long held resentment, or anger or confusion into a rebirth of your soul…consider opening your heart and turning your face to the holy.

A story is told in talmudic tradition that just as Eve ate from the apple of the tree of knowledge, Adam hid himself in the garden…and God asked his first question of humanity…”Where are you? Where do you stand in this world? What have you done with your life? What merit does your life hold?”

I ask this morning, where are you? Where do you stand in your soul work? Don’t remain alone in exile.

God asked Adam, “Where are you? And Adam answered; “Here I am. Here I am.” Here we are. Together we stand in the doorway of new beginnings, now forgiving , new life.

So May it Be/Amen